Rough

It's been a rough few days to say the least. In fact, I think that might be the understatement of the century. Mark went to MN for a few days and I was nervous about this trip for a couple of reasons. Well, just like I had anticipated it was FULL of drama. My ex threw his games into the mix by calling his ex and informing her of all kinds of mistakes I have made over the past years. Some things were true and some things were complete lies. The thing he doesn't understand is that Mark and I are TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY honest with each other. Mark knows absolutely every mistake I've made, in fact, he knows things NOBODY else on the face of the earth knows. We made a promise to each other in the beginning that it would always be this way and because of that our relationship keeps growing in a great way. So, when my ex said all of this stuff, at least about the true things Mark's response was "I already am aware of this" well, that just pissed him off even more and so I believe that's why the lies came in. What my ex didn't count on is the fact that when Mark talked to him he knew he was drunk and the things he was saying did not add up at all. SO, Mark and I are SOLID even though he tried his hardest to cause problems between the two of us. This isn't some fly by the night relationship, this is a lifelong one and they can't seem to understand that. OH WELL FOR THEM! It's just so hurtful. I do not and will not ever understand why after this long of being apart and divorced he insists on causing pain and trouble. I do not ever do it to him. He has a girlfriend and I am happy for him! I want him to be happy and have a great life, one that I couldn't give him but all of these actions say to me that he is not happy. I mean, if you have to keep telling someone "I'm so happy, happier than I have ever been" and "I got a new badass phone, and I'm looking at a new car, and I got all this new stuff for my house and So and SO is throwing herself at me" That is NOT happiness right??? Yeah, I don't think so! Well, I guess I just needed to vent. I honestly do not wish him ANY harm whatsoever I want him to just lay off my life and live his and let me live mine! I'm doing the best I can!!!!

SO MANY NEW ADVENTURES!

Well, who ever said life is dull? NOT ME! Business at the shop has been slow...well, that's not actually true. There is a lot of business, but no money! We haven't been able to figure out why this is. Mark is putting in 17 hour days 6 days a week and sometimes even Sundays yet no paycheck for 3 months! Yeah, the economy isn't great, but it just hasn't been adding up. So, we have spent many nights *late nights* sitting outside putting our heads together trying to figure out what is wrong. His business partner is in charge of all of the finances and it has been a complete mess! So, last night we were sitting outside talking and I told Mark that I just felt like the answer was right in front of us but I just couldn't grasp it! We sat there quiet for a little while and then we decided to pray. I prayed that God would lead both of us in the right direction and show us what His plan is for our lives. Mark has been miserable and let me tell you, it is NO fun watching him hurt like this! A little while later, he was talking about one of his guys that gave his notice earlier this week. Jim takes care of all the mobile accounts and call ins for breakdowns. It was like a lightbulb went off! I looked at Mark and yelled "that's it!!!!" He kind of looked at me like I was crazy and then he understood! That's what I love about us, we hardly ever have to say anything, we just know what the other is thinking! So, there it is. He is going to leave the business and go "back to basics" we will start up our own business and Mark will strictly be mobile! Almost NO overhead whatsoever! It's such a perfect solution! He will keep all of his fleet accounts and service them on site just as Jim does now and then a good portion of his client base will follow him. Probably 80%. I will take care of all of the scheduling etc and be his "runner" for parts, oil etc. We are so excited about this venture! He still has to give the news to his business partner, but it will all be fine. The shop cannot sustain the two of them and Mark really just wants out from under it. This will still give him the opportunity to be his own boss and take the time off he needs in order to see the kids. It's a great deal!! This is SHORT term though. By spring we will be moving and we have HUGE plans that we have been talking and praying about A LOT! These plans are even more exciting and I cannot wait!!! I can't say what it is yet, but part of it is a lifelong dream of mine!!! The other part of it was something he came up with and we're throwing them into the mixing bowl together! We will most likely step on a few toes *ten to be exact, ten that belong on two feet* by going into business together, but it doesn't matter! We work so amazingly well together and are confident that both ventures will be highly successful!!!

GAMES

Can I just say I am SO TOTALLY OVER THEM???? How is it that I have worked my backside off the past year to change and turn my life around, live every day for Him and all of this havoc is thrown into my life? I have this happy life here with Mark. When it's just the two of us things are so calm, peaceful and loving. Of course, we miss our kids EVERY SINGLE DAY, there isn't a day that passes that we don't talk about them, look at pictures etc. but the fact is we are not able to be with them right now. But, throw our ex's into the mix and and *pardon my french* ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! I mean seriously, they cycle together! If one is nice, the other will be nice, but the second that one of them goes off the deep end, we can predict almost to the second when the other one will go off....it's like a ticking time bomb! So today I talked to MY ex and he went off about Thanksgiving. He said I could come see the kids for ONE day, the day after Thanksgiving, but I have to come alone to HIS house and he will be there! Now, nowhere in our divorce papers does it say that I am to be supervised, he pulled this out of the same place he thinks he can pull a rabbit out of! And then he said Mark is NOT allowed to be around them but can't give me a reason why. He has known Mark for 13 years and knows he is a great man, in fact, he knows this so much that when he figured out Mark and I were going to start our relationship his response was "Mark's a good guy, I have nothing against him. At least I know he will treat the kids right" But now, all of the sudden since he knows I'm so happy he is SO mad! So, it doesn't matter that the boys ask about Mark all of the time or that they asked for him to come with me for Thanksgiving. It's just all about what HE wants! Why is he able to STILL make all of the calls in life???? Uggghhhhh.....back to my knees I guess!

Blessed

As I'm writing this blog, I am sitting in the passengers seat of a very full Suburban. There are 7 of us to be exact and Mark is driving. We are headed to San Diego for a long weekend with some of our neighbors! The car is not just full of luggage but also laughter and friendship. I was sittig here a little while ago thinking how blessed I am. I am blessed in so many ways but tonight I was thinking of one reason....I am blessed ecause these people I am with on this adventure have taken me in as if try have known me for years. They love Marj very much and at first were very skeptical of me but it didn't take ling at all for them to warm up to me and we have become fast friends. I truly feel like I belong for the first time in my whole life and it is such a refreshing feeling! All of the crap with Marks ex is working itself out, we know we love each other and we are Determine to live a happy and healthy life together, one that neither one of us has had before. I had a conversation today with a good friend, Sam, he is a youth minister in Alabama and he came to the hospital within minutes of me callin him n the day Bill got sick and stayed until very late that night. He caled me and told me what blessing I have been in his life...that is really such a great thing to hear from someone, I'm definiteley going to tell people that more often! Then we started talking an he asked me if a year ago I would have eer though my life woul be where t is today. I laughed an said "are you kidding? I would have never thought it even 6 months ago!". I told him that some days I just can't get over how amazing life is now. He reminded me about Gods perfect will for my life...that's right, He does have a perfect will for me! I am going to continue to live for Him and seek His plan for my life! Blessed beyond measure for sure! This is finally my life! I am sitting here next to the man that I love with all of my heart and wwho loves me with all of his....and he has been my best friend for 13 years, that's what even more amazing! Yes, God has shown me favor and I am forever thankful for that!

Does this ever stop?

I miss Bill. I keep thinking it's going to get easier but it hasn't so far. When will it? Ever? Everytime I turn around something reminds me of him....in the past 4 days I have heard the song Finally Home 12 times! Is it him trying to say something to me? I just don't know. All I do know is that I miss him so very much and right now I sure could use his advice. I love Mark and I know he loves me too but this whole situation with his ex wife is spinning out of control and fast! She is in one of her "nice" moods this week and that's a very bad thing for the two of us. When she gets like this it makes Mark forget all of the crazy things she does the rest of the time for some strange reason! I have been at home today listening to praise music and cleaning. It's given me much time to think and pray about things. I promised myself when I got clean that I would always trust my gut. Well, I really don't want to trust my gut this time. Did he get into a relationship too soon with me? I asked him this point blank in the beginning and he assured me he wanted this and was ready......today, I am not so sure. I decided this afternoon to give the whole situation over to God. He opened the doors for me to move here and opened the door for the relationship between me and Mark so He must have a plan right? It's in His hands and I am trusting Him. I truly do not believe that He would have made the way for all of these things if He didn't intend for the two of us to build a life together. It hurts though, feeling like I'm second string sometimes....and at times feeling like I'm the "other woman" even though I am not! Ugghhhh......please keep this whole situation in your daily prayers! Thanks!!!!

Thank Goodness it's Monday!

I never thought I'd be so thankful to have the weekend be over! Weekends are usually so much fun around our house...well, usually we aren't even in town! But, this past weekend we had a car show, that was fun, but Rene was STILL in town! SO, on Friady, she needed a place to stay and a car to drive, she told Mark she had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend...yeah, the one that lives 3 doors down! So, we allowed her to have the truck and stay on the houseboat. Well, Friday night about 10:30 she called Mark while we were at the show...she was insisting that the Marina had been MOVED!!!! She said she was lost and told him she needed him to come show her where it was...and told him to come ALONE! Well, I've sat back and not said anything for a long time, but this time I told him I was going with. He agreed, said he didn't want to go alone. So we jumped in the Camero and drove to the lake. On the way there I looked at him and said "Mark, you do realize that she IS NOT lost right?" He assured me she was lost otherwise there would be no reason for her to call. I said ok but then I told him, "mark my words, when we get there, she will be at the right spot, she will see me in the car and it will be a big fight" He thought I was crazy! So, we pulled up, she flashed the truck lights at him and we pulled in front of her...OH AND BY THE WAY, SHE WAS AT THE MARINA ABOUT 15 FEET FROM THE DOCK TO WHERE THE BOAT IS!!! Mark got out to meet her at the truck and she started screaming and freaking out because I was with him. She told Mark to drop me off somewhere and come back to the boat with her! Mark told her he did not come there to stay on the boat with her, he came there to make sure she was safe and then he said "I guess you weren't really lost at all" So he got in the car and we went home. She text until 2 am and all she kept saying was "leave the b**** at home and come here!" Mark finally just took the battery out of his phone! It didn't stop there, on Saturday she was all nice again and thanking him for allowing her to use the truck and boat. Then on Sunday she insisted on meeting him for dinner to "talk about the kids" he went, and of course, none of it was about the kiddos, it was all about how he needs to put me out of his life so they can be a family again! FYI...she's the one who wanted the divorce. When he told her that would never happen she lost it and he left. She goes home to MN today!! So I am so HAPPY!!! What a week this has been! Please keep this whole situation in your prayers!

An unexpected Visitor

Well, Mark and I left last Friday and went to Arizona to camp. We went to a place in the mountains called Oak Creek Canyon just outside of Flagstaff, not far from Sedona where his dad and step mom live. We picked out a little spot where nobody else was, it was so nice! Mark loves to build camp fires, but insisted on doing it the real way...we searched the woods for wood and spent hours going back and forth to the camp fire until the flames were about 7 feet tall! We roasted hot dogs and made smores...he eats his without chocolate...weird!!! We stayed up on Saturday night until about 4 am talking. I just love our talks, they are so open and honest, it's quite amazing. Now, Mark is SUPER into 4 wheeling and dirt bikes, we have 2 dirt bikes and a 4 wheeler. So, we brought the quad along as well as 1 dirtbike...I was pretty nervous about it, but I was determined I was going to ride! So, Sunday morning we got up and went riding...Mark gave me a short lesson on how to operate this piece of equipment! We were going to ride up to the gas station about 3 miles up the road and get coffee. Well, I made it about a mile and then I hit a rock in the middle of the road, lost control of the 4 wheeler and ran down a ditch! All of the sudden about 15 feet in front of my face was a LARGE tree. I was screaming and Mark had turned around on his bike and was headed for me, I remembered he told me to hit the kill switch if I got in any trouble so I quickly did this! He got to me and I was shaking and crying...I told him I was DONE...just for the day. So that was it for me! Then, we packed up and drove to Sedona, about 45 min. away to his parents house. WOW! What a beautiful part of our country! We visited with his step mom, Heidi for a couple of hours at their beautiful house, Mark's dad Tommy was playing in a golf tournament, then we were off to make the 4 hour journey back home. But first, we stopped at the cemetary where his mom is. It was really emotional for him, but I am so glad he stopped there. We arrived back home around 10pm, unloaded the truck and hit the bed. On Monday morning, we both got up and got ready for work, I was going in late because I had to pick up some things for our new office. I didn't leave until about 8:25. On my way to work, Mark called me and told me that Rene was in town, she had just text him and wanted to know when she could come pick up the 4 wheeler! BY the way, it's Mark's not hers, he got it in the divorce...but SHE WANTS IT! Well, I got to work about 9:15 and my neighbor Donna called me. She told me that she had already called Mark and that our garage door was now open! Mark went and checked everything out, the back door was open too...but it was all ok. So, here begins our week! She has proceeded to cause so much trouble. She's staying 3 doors down at the guys house who she had an affair with for the last 5 months she lived in Vegas. HE is a nasty toothless unemployed pot smoker! What a life! She met with Mark to "talk about the kids" it was all just a cover and all she wanted to do was screw with his head. It worked! She is engaged, "happy" right! But she told Mark she is moving back here but won't do it until I'm out of the state. Mark told her that would never be happening, so it's been a big struggle all week. Now she has extended her trip for who knows how long! So...last night we packed up and went out and stayed on the houseboat just to get away! Ugghhh what a week! We have a big car show this weekend and next weekend we are leaving Friday afternoon and heading to Lake Powell to spend the weekend with Tommy and Heidi! Can't wait!!!